Nachi,
I must say you are a very good narrator….
You have sketched Sid’s character very neatly but this doesn’t sound’s like a story …. this is more on lines of “Vyakti ani Valli” by PLD…
You keep the reader involved but end too early… you hardly have build the character no you must elaborate his fine points….
like you have created a wonderful drawing but have not put colors into…
I would rate it 7 for your narration skills….
but wold take away a half point ending it so soon….
I completely agree with bapat…but differ on the “Vyakti ani Valli” comparison. PLD is a legend and its better not to compare any writing with his style of writing.
now coming back to nachya’s story.. description chaan aahe and after reading the story u feel that u have been knowing sid for years.. thats the best thing of the story.. pan “hello” i cannot call it a “story”.. bcos there is no story in the writeup. It wud have been better if u wud have added a few paras and described an incident of ur group or abt sid.
what u have written is only description about sid..thats it.
description definitely khup khup changla aahe, but for a regular reader of jaaraMaaz competition…this is not something i am really looking fwd to.
i am not saying that u can write better..bcos what u have written is really good… but try to give it a form of a story.. thats all i can see. probably if sid was in our group i wud have enjoyed it more… the writeup was more of a personal blog post rather than a story.
but i must say that sid’s philosophy of “thodi shoo karna” were a true laugh riot.
i guess tu thoda confuse zala aahes with the category of “fiction”. U describe a true incident in the form of a story in this category and not just true characters…
i wont rate it since from the competition’s point of view the rating will be less which is an injustice to this beautifully drafted writeup.
Hmmmmm I also was not sure whether i can include it as a story or not.. but its ok .At the end of the day what matters is readers like it or not..If the writeup is not considered for the compitition what do u feel??
Infact dont read it from compitition point of view…..
then as i said in my earlier comment that after the story u feel that u know sid for years..thats the biggest compliment i can give for ur story. this writeup is like a template to describe a character in a novel.. again rating denar nahi pan tu character la khupach chaan explain kela aahe asa mhanil
4 Comments
November 24, 2008 at 4:42 am
Nachi,
I must say you are a very good narrator….
You have sketched Sid’s character very neatly but this doesn’t sound’s like a story …. this is more on lines of “Vyakti ani Valli” by PLD…
You keep the reader involved but end too early… you hardly have build the character no you must elaborate his fine points….
like you have created a wonderful drawing but have not put colors into…
I would rate it 7 for your narration skills….
but wold take away a half point ending it so soon….
so over all rating is 6.5 (7-0.5)
November 25, 2008 at 8:50 am
I completely agree with bapat…but differ on the “Vyakti ani Valli” comparison. PLD is a legend and its better not to compare any writing with his style of writing.
now coming back to nachya’s story.. description chaan aahe and after reading the story u feel that u have been knowing sid for years.. thats the best thing of the story.. pan “hello” i cannot call it a “story”.. bcos there is no story in the writeup. It wud have been better if u wud have added a few paras and described an incident of ur group or abt sid.
what u have written is only description about sid..thats it.
description definitely khup khup changla aahe, but for a regular reader of jaaraMaaz competition…this is not something i am really looking fwd to.
i am not saying that u can write better..bcos what u have written is really good… but try to give it a form of a story.. thats all i can see. probably if sid was in our group i wud have enjoyed it more… the writeup was more of a personal blog post rather than a story.
but i must say that sid’s philosophy of “thodi shoo karna” were a true laugh riot.
i guess tu thoda confuse zala aahes with the category of “fiction”. U describe a true incident in the form of a story in this category and not just true characters…
i wont rate it since from the competition’s point of view the rating will be less which is an injustice to this beautifully drafted writeup.
ekdum “what is life”.. comment aahe na..
November 25, 2008 at 9:01 am
Hmmmmm I also was not sure whether i can include it as a story or not.. but its ok .At the end of the day what matters is readers like it or not..If the writeup is not considered for the compitition what do u feel??
Infact dont read it from compitition point of view…..
November 26, 2008 at 8:40 am
then as i said in my earlier comment that after the story u feel that u know sid for years..thats the biggest compliment i can give for ur story. this writeup is like a template to describe a character in a novel.. again rating denar nahi pan tu character la khupach chaan explain kela aahe asa mhanil